Red Hill

For years

I have only pleased myself,

pleased others if it would please me.

For years

I spent my weekdays and weekends alone

but never lonely.

I went to the cinema

to a bar or two

to a restaurant without a companion.

For years

I convinced myself to please this selfish man.

I was happy.

I was vain.

Everyday until today.

Today,

conflicted.

I'm not so sure about it all

since the fateful evening of Marienbad.